How I Met Your College: Waking Up

Let’s start with the hardest thing you’re gonna have to do in college: wake up on a Monday morning. If there was ever something that shouldn’t happen once a week, it’s a Monday. It’s usually with a well-known screech (or vibration, if you’re into that sort of thing) that you awaken, your subconscious still awash in the dreams of the preceding holiday. Now as you resist the primal urge to resume hibernating, one of these four things happen:

A) You realise it’s 6.30am, and somehow get to the bathroom and repeatedly throw a colourless and odourless chemical compound into your face until survival tendencies force you to actually wake up. You snigger at the lesser mortals who are cannot discipline their minds enough as you contemplate having a leisurely breakfast, only to fall back into bed at 6.45. When you surface again, it’s 7.20, and you’re just happy you can make it to breakfast today.

B) You realise it’s 7.45am, jump from your bed issuing a number of expletives, force your lower appendages to get inside denim prisons, ponder the consequences of brushing vs. not brushing, and hurriedly check your attendance for the 9am class while praying fervently to the God of free attendance. While your stomach shall have to contend with two chicken puffs for the time being, you also have to deal with constant lectures from your parents who swear they were type-A people. (Yeah, right.)

C) Your roommate who has the incredible luck of having first half off on Monday, wakes you up at 8.30am. But you just sigh deeply and roll over in your bed, murmuring about trying again tomorrow. You probably haven’t dared to check your attendance this week, mostly due to a haunting fear of the unknown. Better get that medical certificate done though, just in case…

D) You wander back into existence somewhere around noon, with a throbbing headache and no memory of what happened yesterday. You’d check the time, only that instead of your phone there is a pineapple on your desk, and growling sounds are coming from the bathroom…

No matter which type you belong to, most of you are somehow going to make it to the 8 o’clock class, though you might be a little late (“it’s 8.25″ “…so can I get attendance?” *door slams*) And those of you who have people who are ready to give proxies…please email me their numbers, I’ll buy you pizza every week for a month. Just putting it out there.

This and much more shall happen to you in just one hour after you wake up. But this is just the beginning, and we’re only getting warmed up…

Co-authored by Debrup Dutta and Shriya Atmakuri.

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